once upon a time

of all the words of men and mice, the least of all that is nice.... what might have been....
came back from attending a friend's wedding. yet another one. came home, AFTER the wedding, to paint my nails... watching rerun of friends... where everyone is so shiney and happy... and any mometary unhappiness will fade away by the end of this season... or the next...
...men seem to fancy me...well, some do... but the trouble is, after a while, usually they begin to bore me.. or the obvious unsuitability is no longer ignorable - like their being married for example!
Work life is ok, it could be better ...though I'd be lying if thought for a second it couldn't be worse. And there is the promise of great times just around the corner. Opportunity to travel the globe, meet new people, learn a whole hellava lot... the world is my oyster.. and make it mine, i will!
Recently I've been introduced to a new breed of men... ones I wouldn't normally "consider"... someone in particular... his 'main' language isn't English (the only language I know how to think in...and if I was honest enough to admit it, an english snob) - but that is not to say his english isn't flawless when he chooses to use it, he isn't from the same social circle I am from - but that is not to say he doesn't fit in, if he chooses to make the effort. He spells "bad boy" a mile off...a far cry from the queeky clean, IIT-IIM kinda man who used to find me "mentally" attractive... sometimes when he looks at me if feel beautiful, not someone who thinks I'm intelligent therefore is attracted to me... but someone who is interested in my mind, me and the physical all at three different levels. Who will do silly things like bring me 'special' bread and jam from his favourite place for breakfast, but won't wait with me on the pavement while I try to catch a cab! :)
He isn't "my kinds" ...and nor am I his... but it felt nice to be reminded that I'm a woman beyond this...this brain that spews out reports and ideas and improvements.
It also reminded me to slow down and think of the fact that I'm still waiting... every step I take is a step in the direction of my future life.. and if I'm in too much of a hurry I might just miss it :)
So heres hoping I have the good sense to stop and smell the roses..and that the jackass who has made me wait for so many years hurrys and shows up! amen!!!

I am ready.

To whom so ever it may concern, I am ready.

I've heard so much about this whole positive thinking / sending out your desires to the universe / thinking what you want... and then seeing it come true, that I've decided to give it a whirl.

I'm ready, in deed eager, for my life to change :)

I want to land that dream position, I want to lose all the extra weight... and I want to _be_ with someone in the fullest sense of the word. I want to settle down. I want a white picket fence and 2.4 children. I want to be loved and be in love.

I want to begin living the rest of my life.

So Mr.Universe do your thing!

Alrighty, lets begin

23/03/2009
Alrighty, so this is to be the random ramblings for a fairly fun person... I am not going to spout any 'gyan' or get into
04/04/2010 or 04-Apr-10 as I write dates now. More on that later.
Judging by how long it has taken me to come back to this, it is fairly evident that I have a serious procrastination problem, more serious now then it ever was.
I also live(d?) in denial. I am 60 KILOS overweight. And I need to lose it all. Fast. IF I hope to have a semblance of a normal life and persue a few of the things I like, like treks, adventure sports etc...
Oh, and attend numerous weddings without feeling like a FAT FRUMP!!! (Never mind, hope to find someone for myself!) God, what is this month and engagements/weddings! EVERYONE seems to be getting "hitched".

Today I caught up with 4 gurl friends... women I've known for a longgg time - I've know individually, meaning we aren't from a group or anything. They don't know each other, expect as my friends. Women who, much like myself, were a little different from the crowd, who wanted to do this, be someone, go somewhere. Who didn't confirm. Women who didn't come with specific time-lines. All of these women have recently either gotten engaged / hitched / planning their biggg day. All of this has gotten me to think. To think about my life. To take a long hard look at what passes for my life and re-evaluvate if this is all I want. A high-stress low-paying, emotionally draining job, horrible health (try being DOUBLE your 'ideal' body weight and you will understand what I'm talking about.) compounded with strained relationship with my only living parent.
No.
This is not all I want from my life.
In a previous version of who I am today - I knew this boy/man. He looked up to me...he adored me.. he was in love with me, but I didn't understand it at the time. To me he was only a good friend, very good friend. One of the things he mentioned he liked bout me was that I didn't whine about the cruve balls life threw me. I just dealt with them. One day, I was moaning about my weight (I had just started putting it on then) and he asked "So, what are you going to do about it?" Just like that. He wasn't being sarcastic or trying to get me off my posterior. He was just asking me, since I was someone who would *do* things, what I intended to do about what I disliked. It threw me off gaurd. That was then.
Today, I'm a mere shadow of who I used to be. I've...ummm feel like the fire has gone out of me. This before I've even started living, truly LIVING, instead of just exsiting is unacceptable. So this blog, is an attempt to re-discover myself. To take a good hard look at myself, both physically and emotionaly/mentally and DO something about the things I don't like.
Is there something in your life that you don't like?
What are _you_ going to do about it?